Nicole Schiener, award winning registered psychotherapist, contributor to the Gottman blog and other print and online publications and public speaker
owner of Peace and Possibility – Providing virtual sessions for women in Ontario and walking sessions along the Grand River near Cambridge ON has offered up ten tips for getting through this never-ending winter season. Details below. Hopefully you find this helpful..
MOVE YOUR BODY DAILY
What’s your favourite way to move your body?
Exercise releases endorphins (feel good neurochemicals) and helps to complete the stress response cycle which we need now more than ever given all the added stress we’ve been under. When you move your body outside, you can look for beauty and signs of hope in Nature.
WRITE and/or TALK to someone you trust about your feelings
Have you ever journaled?
Journaling lets you vent without hurting anyone’s feelings and it can be a great way to gain a new perspective as you get your worries out of your head and onto the page or screen.
Is there someone you feel safe sharing with?
Sharing with a non-judgemental friend, family member or professional can help you shine out shame and realize you’re not alone.
OFFER YOURSELF COMPASSION
Have you practiced self-compassion before? What did you notice?
For some this can feel foreign or distressing and you may benefit from a therapist who can help you shift from harshness towards yourself to increasing gentleness and acceptance of your imperfect nature. Life is hard but learning to be your own best friend can make it a lot easier.
LOOK BACK WITH GRATITUDE for all the good in your life.
Do you have a daily gratitude practice?
We can’t feel anxious and grateful at the same time. Gratitude can help to rewire the brain away from our default mode of a negativity bias (noticing and holding onto the bad stuff) towards an increasing sense of trust and abundance.
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN STILL CONTROL.
What is still within your control?
There’s so much happening around us that’s outside of our control. Our nervous systems weren’t designed to be in a prolonged state of threat. Practicing mindful awareness of the choices you still have control over, no matter how small, can help you feel empowered and invites your body to relax back into a sense of safety.
TELL PEOPLE YOU APPRECIATE THEM
How good are you at letting the people in your life know they matter to you?
Relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman cites creating a “culture of appreciation” as essential for relationship satisfaction and personal wellbeing. Whether at home, in the workplace or online, appreciation helps build positivity and deepen connection.
H.O.P.E. – Help One Person Everyday (Jen Gottlieb)
Do you find yourself losing hope as you look at all the suffering in the world?
Helping one person every-day and getting involved in causes that matter to you are great ways to boost your mood and remind yourself there is good in the world. I’ve gotten involved in fundraising and am currently part of an Indigenous Friend and Mentor’s launch team for her beautiful book “You are the Medicine” which is available now for pre-order.
LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE
How often do you have a good laugh?
Research has shown it decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies. It triggers the release of endorphins (which promotes a sense of wellbeing and relief from pain. Laughter also activates the parasympathetic nervous system triggering the tend and befriend response, similar to self-compassion. Shared laughter increases a sense of connection. Learning to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes is a great antidote for perfectionism.
REST
How stressed do you feel throughout your day?
Get off the worry/hurry train and soothe and calm your nervous system with a short nap or just laying down for a few minutes. Even a minute or two of mindful breathing a few times a day can make a big difference.
REACH OUT
Have you tried therapy before? What was your experience like?
There’s no one right time to begin therapy but you don’t have to wait until you are really struggling, can barely get out of bed, are feeling miserable, suicidal or unsafe in your relationship before you reach out for help.
It’s been a rough few years. With unprecedented loss, impossible demands and disconnection from our village, it’s no wonder the majority of mothers report feeling burnt out. Mental Health is trending right now but the real benefits of therapy come from the client counsellor relationship, not simple technique. You can learn more what therapy is and what it isn’t, best practices, reasons why it might not have worked out in the past and what makes it effective, check out these videos on my YouTube Channel.
